Monday, December 08, 2008 ;
10:30 PM
I Love You Dad
Monday 8 December 2008
I’ve just suffered the greatest blow of my entire life so far. My dad just passed away without a word on Wednesday midnight. The reason of his death was weird. He passed away because the blood vessels leading to his heart were clogged. Eventually his heart stopped beating and he passed away rather silently at my grandmother’s place.
My relatives had neither my mum’s nor my phone number. Our house phone line was cut off a few months ago. The heard of the news almost one hour after my dad slipped into coma. My aunt came all the way to my place to inform us about it. We were stunned and shocked. We hurried to NUH.
When we reached NUH, the doctor told us the situation and told us to prepare for the worse and went right back to rescue my dad. While waiting for the doctor to come back, the feeling was terrible. I simply didn’t know how to react to it; I just sat at one corner and I kept telling myself he will be alright. I must be filial to him after he recovered.
However, 15 minutes later, the doctor came back and told us that he has already tried his best and he declared that my dad is dead. The fuckin idiotic thing is the doctor didn’t know why his heart stopped beating all of a sudden. He didn’t have any history of heart related problem.
Surprisingly enough, I didn’t cry straight after hearing what the doctor said. While my relatives burst into tears. I was in a daze and memories of my dad flooded my mind. I couldn’t accept it at all and I kept telling myself it’s not true. The doctor is lying. My relatives kept telling me that I’ve just lost my father and I must be obedient and filial to my mother. Finally, I started crying out loud cause I really couldn’t take it anymore.
The cause of his death was not known and the doctor told us that he will need to send my dad to SGH mortuary to do an autopsy to investigate the cause of his death to make sure that the cause of his death is natural. Sigh. How sad is it? Even after death, he will need to go through all these. We had to fuckin wait at SGH for almost 10 hours before we could claim his body for his funeral.
No words can describe how I feel now and felt for the past few days at his wake. The best word to describe it would be agony or guilt. I’m very guilty cause I hadn’t been a good son to him. He worked so damn hard for us and we didn’t know how to appreciate and cherish him when he was alive.
I really regret what I’ve done and I can do nothing about it. Now.. I need to be strong cause I don’t want my mum and brother to worry about me. Now I’m the head of the family, I have to be the pillar of my family.
Daddy, I will be obedient and filial to Mummy.
I will take care of didi and lead him back to the right path.
I will take care of ah ma.
I will take good care off myself.
Don’t worry about me.
I love you!
I will never forget you.
You always be the best father on Earth in my heart!
Rest in peace Daddy.
Signing off
Raymond
The End
